Wreckmanac Weekly Whoreoscope Wolume Won

Aries - March 21- April 19th
             Your week will begin with a random thought obtained while looking for socks. Do not misconstrue it to be meaningful; it will be of no consequence. The sock choice you make will be vital to the rest of your week. Choose wisely. 


Taurus - April 20th - May 20
               This week poses no serious threats to Taurus, looks like smooth sailing. Oh, but stay inside all day Tuesday. Trust me.

Gemini - May 21 - June 20
               A friend will turn you on to a new web site, which will in turn, cause you to discover another site which turns you on. Be careful with cutlery this week; your issues with dexterity may not be resolved until the week ends.

Cancer - June 21 - July 22
               Monetary restrictions aside, your week will be filled with chances to go out and do whatever you please. Take advantages of these, you shut-in. You have no more excuses, and your friends are considering severing ties with you. 


Leo - July 23 - August 22
          A sale on flavored creamers will make your day on Thursday. Friday you should get drunk as possible and tell everyone how great that grocery store is. Saturday will bring headaches and good tasting coffee.

Virgo - August 23 - September 22
            Beware of Leos this week. Sometime at the end of the week, they're going to get up in your face about prices on flavored creamers at their local grocery store. Tune them out and ignore them. They believe everything they read, and frankly, you don't have time for that shit about creamers.

Libra - September 23 - October 22
            A deep, unquenchable craving for chipped beef and white gravy will smack you over the head by midday Wednesday. An adventure at a credenza or desk like surface is not of the question. When someone asks you for the time, give it to them; it will save their life.


Scorpio - October 23 - November 21
                While your mind is on pumpkin carving and costumes, you should really be thinking about the growing problem your neighbor is having with rodents. It's been raining a lot recently, so those suckers are looking for dry land. Are you equipped to defend yourself? Put down the pumpkin and buy a non killing solution to your imminent problem. 



Sagitarius - November 22 - December 21
                    Don't even sneeze this week, someone will be watching you at all times. From a van. With binoculars.

Capricorn - December 22 - January 19
                    Keep your mouth shut it matters involving love. Talk all you want about your friends, now is a good time to make up some shit about them and spread that nasty rumor you've been keeping in your pocket. The nastier the better, really, don't hold back. Capricorns should also wait on buying any new electronics this week.


Aquarius - January 20 - February 18
                  Take time to study something new this week. Your brain is trapped right now and needs an outlet. Physical activities should be eliminated this week, and potato chip intake should greatly increase. Your alcohol level has been very low as well, so you should address that before the moon shifts to it's second phase. Be kind to strangers, as well.

Pisces - February 19 - March 20
              Keep a pen and paper by your bed all week. One night this week you will remember the name of that kid from that movie with that other guy from Top Gun. No, not Goose, you know, the dude who quit. That guy. His name will be important in a conversation later in the week. Knowing the answer will greatly improve your chance for success!